The sweaty sweater July 25, 2018I was putting on makeup in my office, getting ready to go on TV, when I noticed sweat stains on my summer sweater. “Uh oh,” I thought to myself. I had less than an hour before showtime, and a decision to make: I could freak out and scramble to buy a new shirt, or I could decide not to worry about it. I decided not to worry. In that moment, I was leaning heavily on Carol Dweck’s book, “Mindset, The New…
Career crossroads July 16, 2018How do you walk away from something you’ve spent your entire life preparing for? A beloved coaching client is a professional musician. He’s played since he was 3 years old, studied music in college, worked in orchestras his entire adult life. He has $80,000 worth of instruments in his music room. Several years ago he earned a (nonmusical) professional degree and discovered another career that he loves. For a long time, he balanced both careers: professional job during the day,…
Job interviews are not therapy sessions July 9, 2018I was at a party, half listening to a guy talk about an upcoming interview. “I’m just going to be myself,” he said confidently. “I’m going to show them the good and the bad.” He’s a newly minted lawyer with no work experience. He’s never had an interview for a professional role. I sipped my wine, admired the view, and kept quiet. “There are aspects of my personality that can rub people the wrong way,” he explained. “I want to…
Sleep as a career strategy July 2, 2018“I am so burned out,” my coaching client told me, her head in her hands. “I am so unmotivated. I’m really struggling to juggle my work and my family.” “Tell me about your sleep,” I answered. I recently read “Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams,” by Matthew Walker, Ph.D., and it rocked my world — and my career coaching approach. Walker is a professor of neuroscience and psychology at University of California, Berkeley; the director of the…
The dirty dishes June 25, 2018Sometimes a simple question can change your life. Or at least your dirty dishes. As a coach, I’m interested in how questions can reframe a problem. When I teach my clients how to coach others in their life — to ask those good questions — I often tell an allegorical story about my family’s dirty dishes. It’s not just me: For women in heterosexual relationships, it’s more important to share the responsibility of doing the dishes than any other chore,…
Decision fatigue June 18, 2018“I need to work on work/life balance,” said a coaching client, stretched thin between a big job and family commitments. “I am so overwhelmed.” “How many decisions do you make every day?” I asked her. She looked at me blankly, unable to begin to quantify an answer. “What if we strategize about how to declutter the unimportant decisions you make every day, and see if that helps with the feeling of being overwhelmed,” I suggested. We started with a story.…
Prepping for cocktail parties June 11, 2018Having a good story changes everything. I’ve been working with a lovely coaching client for a couple of months. She’s a senior professional working on a job search and, as an ancillary, on confidence and presence. She’s been through the wringer this year, both personally and professionally, and was a little shaky when she first sat down in my office. She looked like she was holding it together through sheer force of will. We started with the basics of networking…
Money and ambition June 4, 2018The topic of money comes up a lot in my career coaching practice. This is the story of a young college student who came to talk to me about her career path after graduation. We ended up talking about money and ambition. This young woman sat down in my office and, fumbling in her purse, started telling me about her classes. As she was talking, she poked her thumb with a little needle and glanced at the reading. Still talking,…
Double black diamond May 28, 2018I often tell my coaching clients to stop thinking. “Thinking is all bad,” I say. “You’ll just think about why it won’t work.” This comes up with clients working on a career transition. Clients who are dreaming about doing something new. Maybe something risky. I often tell these clients a ski story that I’ll also share here. This winter, I was skiing a challenging run (Snake Dance, for you locals). My kids were waiting for me at the bottom of…
(Not) playing the salary negotiation game May 21, 2018In my coaching practice, I see experienced, seasoned professionals fall apart when they negotiate their salary. It’s like they’re afraid of losing a game of poker. I try to make the negotiations less about playing a cutthroat game, and more about developing a business case. “Ack! I have a phone screen,” a new client emailed me. “What are they going to ask?” This client has 20 years in his field, but is looking to return to full-time work after a…
