Not personable? October 4, 2018“I’m getting feedback that I’m not personable,” a beloved client told me. “I’m really focused on doing the work — and social chitchat seems like a waste of everyone’s time.” I looked at my client: a nice, kind man, a linear thinker, highly technical, high achieving. About five years into his career at a big tech company. “I’ve gotten advice that I should memorize one thing about each person at work, so that I can ask them about it and…
Thinking time September 24, 2018I looked at the hour blocked on my calendar with relief. “Thinking time,” the calendar event said. I left my phone and laptop in my office, and headed across Pioneer Square to my favorite coffee shop for a quiet, uninterrupted hour of, well, time to think. “When do you take the time to slow down and just think?” I asked an executive coaching client. She’s brilliant, scattered, running a million miles an hour. She looked at me like I was…
The squeaky wheel September 17, 2018“My daughter needs to ask her soccer coach for more playing time,” my friend said as we watched our girls at soccer practice. “She’ll never do it, though — it’s too scary.” I wish she would do it anyway. It’s good practice for her future career. For example: A coaching client was talking about the corporate equivalent of “playing time”: She didn’t get a promotion she felt she had earned. “I need to talk to my manager and understand what…
Corporate kryptonite September 10, 2018Seemingly innocuous questions can be like kryptonite to a professional looking to transition into a new role or career. These are the landmine questions, the gotchas, the facile questions that cause you to stumble and lose confidence at events, happy hours, skip levels and networking coffees. I call them Dreadful Questions. Over the years as a career coach, I’ve collected six Dreadful Questions. I’ve written here about the First Dreadful; this column is about the Second Dreadful: “So, what kind of…
Greek soccer September 3, 2018Sometimes my coaching clients tell me they are scared to reach out to their network as they navigate a career transition. I tell them I don’t care. I mean, I care that they’re afraid, and that fear doesn’t get to slow them down. And I tell them the story of my 12-year-old daughter’s Greek soccer game. I took my family to a small Greek island for a couple of weeks this summer. I was chatting with our lovely innkeeper (another word for networking,…
Non-slick executive presence August 27, 2018“I don’t have executive presence,” a beloved coaching client told me. “I’m not slick.” This client, with 20 years’ experience in his highly technical field, was preparing for a round of interviews for an internal promotion. If he lands it, he will join his company’s executive ranks. “Tell me about your leadership style,” I suggested. He paused. “I try to lead by example,” he said. “How do you know?” I asked. “Maybe this isn’t a big story, but recently one…
The doll in the window August 20, 2018The little girl was looking in the window of Mighty Mouse Toys, pulling on her mom’s hand, pointing at the beautiful dolls. She was maybe 7 years old. “We can go in there,” her father told her, his tone harsh and mean and loud. “But if you ask for anything, you’ll get spanked.” As I walked to my office across Pioneer Square, I could hear the parents arguing, the child crying. That man may be managing difficult stresses in his life,…
The $20,000 ask August 13, 2018A beloved coaching client was looking to branch out to something new after 20 years in her field. And she wanted a shorter commute. “My commute’s an hour on a good day,” she told me. “Also, I’m going to need help with negotiating the offer,” she said. “I’m really nervous about that.” In due time, she was in final interviews with a couple of organizations in different industries. “Any updates?” I emailed her, checking in. (I worry if I don’t…
Planning ahead August 6, 2018How do you plan for your next role when you love where you are? “I love my job,” a new client told me as she sat down in my office. “I’ve done incredibly well in my career so far.” I waited for the “but.” She described high impact, meaningful, creative work with great colleagues and just enough international travel. We agreed it was a dream job. She sounded and looked happy. I wasn’t sure why she was in my office.…
Stop ruminating! July 30, 2018A beloved coaching client didn’t get the job she had worked so hard for. “I’m a failure,” she emailed me. “I am lost.” I checked in with her a week later and heard the same notes of sorrow and anguish and anger. “I’ll get over it soon, I promise,” she told me. “It’s just so unfair.” I’ve known that feeling. You probably have, too. Years ago, I had a job I loved and a boss I adored. And I can still…
