Yes, feedback hurts December 10, 2018I had to take a dose of my own medicine recently. I tell my coaching clients that critical feedback is a gift, an opportunity for growth, insight into a potential blindspot. Yeah, whatever. It also feels like a kick to the stomach. I recently gave a talk on confidence and “impostor syndrome,” topics that come up frequently in my coaching practice. As part of the presentation, I told personal stories to illustrate what impostor syndrome looks like and how to self-coach for…
Don't be that guy December 3, 2018I was heating up my lunch when my husband stormed into the kitchen. “Don’t be that guy!” he exclaimed. I looked at the leftover salmon steaming in the microwave. “You’re right, I’m that guy,” I laughed. “Sorry!” We were referring to “that guy” who doesn’t realize that he is filling the shared office space with fishy odors. It made me wonder about other unwritten rules in the workplace, so I surveyed several of my coaching clients — senior-level professionals who have…
What are your career goals? November 26, 2018I collect dreadful questions. I’ve got six so far. These are the seemingly easy questions you know you’re going to get over a networking coffee, in a job interview and in the elevator up to your office. These are not questions you want to stumble over. Having good, true answers to the Six Dreadfuls is confidence-building, anxiety-relieving and crazy-empowering. I’ve written in this column about the First Dreadful (“So, tell me about yourself”) and the Second Dreadful (“What kind of work are you looking for?”).…
The care and feeding of confidence November 19, 2018I received an email from a father asking me if I would be willing to meet with his two daughters, ages 14 and 21. He was hoping I could share “general life lessons” on focus, hard work, grit or any other points to become successful in life, like self-confidence and coming out of the comfort zone. I was touched by this father’s email. It was loving and proud, and he wants so much for his girls. Although 14- and 21-year-olds…
Titles matter! November 12, 2018“They offered me an analyst title,” a coaching client told me. “Do you think titles matter?” She looked at me funny as I started spluttering. “The hiring manager told me not to focus on the title,” she said. “The role itself is great — a dream job. But I feel disappointed about the title. Insulted, even.” My client, a woman of color, had been interviewing for vice president and executive director roles. “Easy for him to tell me not to…
Small gestures November 5, 2018“What’s the peppermint mocha?” I asked a beloved client. He looked at me blankly. He was describing workplace conflict and hostility with another team. “They just sit there and obstruct,” he told me. “We need to get the work done, and they throw up endless roadblocks.” I gave him the peppermint-mocha backstory. “I was at my kid’s soccer game,” I explained. “It was cold. Raining. Early.” The coach came over, I said, and asked me whether I like peppermint mochas,…
The commute October 29, 2018I used to commute to Redmond to a job I loved. But I can still feel the trapped frustration of sitting on the 520 bridge in the dark winter afternoon, rain streaking down the windshield, red brake lights as far as I could see. Just sitting, waiting, my youth ticking by. “What would the commute be like?” is one of my go-to questions when I help coaching clients evaluate job offers. The commute is easy to gloss over in the…
Personality assessment hogwash October 22, 2018Prospective coaching clients sometimes ask me if I give personality assessments to help them determine their next steps in their careers. “Assessments are a bit like reading your horoscope,” I reply. “Fun, but not as helpful as maybe you’re hoping it will be for your career development.” Some coaches swear by assessments, but that’s not how I coach. I don’t think career development works that way. “But wouldn’t it be helpful to know what career my personality type is best…
Break your phone! October 19, 2018I watched my phone slip through my fingers, flip in the air and land face down on the concrete. I knew it was going to be bad. The screen was shattered. A shard of glass stabbed my finger when I tried to swipe the screen. My phone spent a week in the shop. This is what I learned in its absence: I read more. I finished one of the nonfiction, work-related books that I’ve been meaning to read forever. (I even…
Dog farts October 9, 2018“Ice cream makes dogs fart,” I told the little boy offering his ice-cream cone to my dog. Zilly and I were minding our own business, waiting for a friend at the park, when we were suddenly swarmed by ice-cream-eating 5-year-olds. At the word “fart,” the little kids erupted in a group belly laugh. Nothing funnier than talking about farts when you’re 5. There was a moment of appalled silence. “Jimmy!” his mom exclaimed. “We don’t talk …” And I realized I…
