Shy Girl March 18, 2011A first-grader at my children’s school was sitting by herself at the playground. When I volunteered in her classroom recently, everyone told me that she is very shy. She apparently doesn’t say a single word all day long. When she and I were reading together, every child walking past would assure me that “She’s really shy.” I asked her if she likes it when people say she’s shy. Slow shake of her head. I asked her what she would like…
Going Gray March 16, 2011Someone asked me today if I were “letting myself go gray.” I detected a note of incredulity in her question, but maybe I was being defensive. It all started with a blowsy woman I knew briefly awhile back. She was in her late 40s and had carefully foiled blonde hair. It seemed to me that she was trying very hard to look like a younger woman. Watching her, I decided that I don’t want to try that hard. It took…
100 Pieces of Clothing March 13, 2011I once read about somebody who intentionally limited their wardrobe to 100 pieces of clothing. I want that. Imagine the simplicity. The space. So this afternoon I purged my closet. My partner was not supportive. “Why would you throw away perfectly good clothes?” he asked. (This from a man who has issues throwing away old newspaper.) I’m not throwing them away, I’m recycling. I got most of them from Goodwill, they’re just going back for another round. I collected six…
Fuck Off, Mommy Guilt March 12, 2011Last November, my daughter’s teacher sent out photographs of the Kindergarten Thanksgiving party. Little kids with cornucopias eating treats. I couldn’t look at the photos. I couldn’t bear it. Mommy Guilt used to ache in my heart. Aching sadness about missing great expanses of my children’s lives. Regret for the haphazard rush of our lives. It was a cost of our dual-income life. On Wednesday, I picked the kids up late from after-school care — just before 6 p.m. I…
Gremlin vs Friend March 12, 2011I got a compliment the other day and a gremlin fell off my shoulder. In coaching language, gremlins are the little negative voices that whisper in your ear and remind you that you’re not good enough – smart enough – that you don’t have anything worth saying so you’d better keep quiet – that you better not risk it because you might fail. Recognize any of those? I had just had lunch with a former co-worker. As we were walking…
Coaching Chicken Little March 9, 2011I have a new favorite client. And I made him cry. We were talking about a pattern in his professional life where he feels like Chicken Little: he sees a bad course of action underway, but his executive management doesn’t listen to him. He’s lived this pattern happen over and over. I said, “So let’s break the pattern.” And tears welled up in my client’s eyes. We were sitting in the Great Hall of Union Station in Seattle – a…
The Problem with Smart Friends March 8, 2011A friend of mine used the word “provenance” at a dinner party last weekend. It’s bugged me ever since. One of the kids had placed a pink foam crown on my partner’s head and my friend asked whether it was a birthday crown or a princess crown. So far so good. And then she quietly wondered about the “provenance of the crown.” She said it quietly. Fluently. “Provenance” isn’t part of my active vocabulary, and is barely part of my passive. It’s…
The Twitchy Writer February 28, 2011Writing has become important again. I hadn’t realized I’ve been craving the exercise. When I’m running, when I’m doing dishes, when I’m falling asleep, words I want to write down are on my mind. Writing them down, in the right order, feels good. Nourishing. I haven’t written much in the last 10 years. I haven’t made space for it while deep in the bowels of corporate America and while raising small children. One of the greatest surprises of quitting my…
Anatomy of a Day February 26, 2011Nothing like a UTI to change your plans. It was supposed to be a writing day, all to myself, the kind of day I’ve started thinking of as a delicious day. But when my 5 year old starting crying “owwie” every time she peed (on the floor), I knew it wasn’t going to be that delicious. 12:05 a.m. Pee accident. Change Z’s pajamas, lay a towel over the puddle, lie back down in it and go back to sleep, Z…
The Sleepy Client February 21, 2011I have a favorite client who talked about feeling overwhelmed at work (that’s a subject I’m expert in!). I asked him what his workday is like. He described coming in around 10 and being immediately barraged with meetings and emails and fires that were all in the “Important/Urgent” quadrant. How do you prioritize when everything is a top priority? Not a particularly insightful question, but I wondered what would happen if he got in earlier. As homework, he agreed to…
