Puppy kindness July 22, 2019“I rescued a lost dachshund!” an executive coaching client told me, her face alight. As she told the story of finding the frightened dog in her neighborhood, and the joy and relief of all parties once owner and dog were reunited, I thought about the power of small kindnesses. As I may have mentioned once or twice in this column, I have started fostering puppies rescued from two-day kill shelters in Texas. The latest batch of puppies was four large, energetic, lab/hound mixes that…
The art of the apology July 15, 2019“I owe you an apology,” I told my coaching client. I’ve been apologizing a lot lately. Not because I’ve screwed up more than usual, but because I read a book that taught me how to apologize better. Dr. Harriet Lerner’s 2017 “Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts“ is one of those handy guidebooks to life that teaches you how to do things that you’re supposed to know how to do, but don’t. Not really. “The courage to…
Don't interrupt! July 8, 2019A coaching client was hesitant to talk with me about something. It was the last topic on her agenda for our coaching session. We nearly didn’t get to it. “My new direct report seems like he’s primed to fight with me,” she finally told me. “He’s pretty aggressive with his opinions, pedantic even. He interrupts me and restates what I just said.” This client, recognized as a superstar in her organization, is brand-new to management. This is her first direct…
New job, new boundaries July 1, 2019A career coaching client was facing a dilemma: Her manager had a last-minute meeting request, but she needed to get her child to a medical appointment. What’s worse was that my client, a senior manager at a small tech startup, had just started this job. We talked about how these early weeks are a great time to set — and defend! — boundaries with new colleagues. After all, it won’t be easier later, once precedents are set and expectations normalize.…
Problem solving rather than reacting June 24, 2019One of my coaching client’s CEO never showed for a meeting. As the afternoon ticked away, my client watched the clock and seethed. He felt disrespected and unimportant. He was too busy being angry and anxious to get much else done that day. “I tend to do that,” he told me. “I focus on the negative outcomes and it takes up a lot of space in my brain. I want the inverse of that feeling.” We talked through how he…
Networking: How to ask for help June 17, 2019Sometimes the hardest part of looking for a new job is asking for help. A coaching client was describing a networking coffee that went nowhere. “I wouldn’t want the manager to say, ‘Oh, I know you, so I’m giving you an interview,” he said. “I’m not looking for a handout.” He wasn’t actually my coaching client. I occasionally mentor new coaches, listen to a recording of their coaching sessions, and offer them feedback on their coaching skills. I wrote in my…
Impostor Syndrome strikes again June 10, 2019A CNN reporter emailed asking whether she could interview me about impostor syndrome. My first thought was: “I don’t know anything about impostor syndrome!” Which is, of course, a great example of impostor syndrome — that panicky feeling that you’re a fraud, that you’re faking it (and that CNN is going to find out!). In my executive coaching practice, I’ve found that, paradoxically, impostor syndrome tends to intensify as you become more senior and expert in your work. “I call it…
How to say no June 3, 2019As I wrote last week, I’ve started fostering puppies. A potential new owner of one of my foster puppies recently asked me whether I could keep the puppy for an additional two weeks while she went to a wedding. “No! I’m not your dog sitter!” I yelled. On the inside. Saying no can be tough for us conflict-averse folks, both at work and in the rest of our lives. Fortunately, there’s a blueprint for delivering a gracious, relationship-building “No!” Dr. William Ury’s…
A meaningful life May 27, 2019“I have discovered my purpose in life,” I wrote on my social media. “Fostering puppies!” I was joking, of course. Well, mostly. I began my puppy fostering career just a week before sitting down to write this column. The two small, shivering little creatures arrived from Texas and my house — and heart — will never be the same. Within 10 minutes of arriving in our lives, the 8-week-old puppies were romping about. They had just endured a 48-hour road…
Executive presence May 21, 2019My career coaching client wanted to talk about executive presence. “My boss told me that I giggled in a meeting with the executive team,” she said. “He told me I needed to work on my executive presence.” I almost giggled at the thought. This woman sitting in my office is a senior director at a large organization. I couldn’t really imagine her “giggling.” Laughing, yes. Belly laughing and chuckling, yes. Even snickering. But not giggling. “So what is executive presence?”…
