The worry list October 14, 2019A coaching client walked into my office and started down a rabbit hole of worries. He had just been promoted to a vice president role at a large company and was a little, well, freaked out. “Hang on,” I interrupted, overwhelmed myself by his stress and worry. “You keep a worry list, right?” He looked at me quizzically. “You need to write down everything that’s on your mind, always, consistently, so you brain doesn’t have to try to keep track…
Words matter October 8, 2019“Words matter,” I tell my career coaching clients. Case in point: the networking conversation. Ideally, you want to transform that nice, friendly chat into a career opportunity. “You need two things from the person you’re networking with,” I tell my clients. “You need ideas, and you need introductions to people you don’t know.” (I wrote about stumbling onto ideas in last week’s column.) How you ask for those introductions could make a difference in your career/job transition. Imagine you’re in the middle…
The leaky roof September 30, 2019A job search is a lot like a leaky roof. Let me explain. A couple of years ago, we noticed a small water stain in our living room. “Huh,” we thought, worried about it a bit, and put it out of our minds. That water stain is a bit like that nagging feeling that your job’s not a good fit, that you should be doing something else. (I used to call it the Whisper until I learned that Oprah did, too.) It’s not a…
Drop the pronouns September 23, 2019A career coaching client and I were working on an email to a recruiter outlining her salary requirements. We passed a draft back and forth until we were both satisfied. “Proposal looks good,” I replied to the last draft. “Short, direct, no pronouns, no waffling.” As a career coach, my relationship with pronouns has evolved (my 10th grade English teacher would be so pleased!). I used to think the pronoun “I” was a strong, powerful word; in fact, I used to coach…
You're not old! September 16, 2019A coaching client told me she was old. “Some young up-and-comer got the job,” said this 44-year-old marketing professional with 20 years’ experience in her field. I paused, trying to figure out where to start. “Hang on,” I said. “I have to yell at you.” She wasn’t actually even a client yet. We were on an initial call to talk about whether coaching might be helpful to her and here I was, going off on the poor woman. (Interesting business…
The metaphoric raincoat September 9, 2019“You need a raincoat,” I told a coaching client. He looked puzzled, glancing out my office window at the gloriously sunny day. He had just described feeling like he was on an emotional roller coaster at work: a capricious boss on the one hand, and work he is deeply committed to on the other. “You need a raincoat to protect yourself from being pelted with those emotional highs and lows at work,” I explained. “It sounds like it will always be pretty…
Quitting gymnastics September 3, 2019My daughter’s friend just quit gymnastics. This 13-year-old girl has been a gymnast most of her life, practicing five days a week, multiple hours a day. It’s what she’s always done. Being a gymnast is her identity. “How did you decide to quit?” I asked her, fascinated by the enormity of her decision. She shrugged. “I realized that I didn’t want to be there anymore,” she said. Out of the mouths of babes. Knowing when to quit, when to walk…
Lucky break August 26, 2019My friend is an architect who works for herself out of her home office. She chooses projects she’s interested in and is home when the kids get off school. “I get to use my skills on my terms,” she told me one day over iced tea. That’s a pretty good definition of success, I said. “It’s just luck,” she said. I think about luck a lot as a career coach. I tell my coaching clients, “Get yourself to the right place…
The power of compliments August 19, 2019Compliments are good for you. A genuine, well-placed compliment can boost self-esteem, motivation and fulfillment — whether you’re giving the compliment or receiving it. Sometimes, the most effective compliments of all are the ones you “conduct” instead of give. Compliment conducting is the skill of seeding a compliment behind the scenes, like a midfielder toeing a leading pass to the striker. You’re prompting someone else who is in a better position to give the compliment. Here’s a story to illustrate…
How to talk about weaknesses July 29, 2019“You have a Hermione complex,” I told my career coaching client. She was preparing for an interview, and we were talking through the dreaded “What are your weaknesses?” question. Yes, that question still gets asked all the time, and yes, you have to prepare for it beforehand. It’s actually an interesting question. If you dig in to it, avoiding the trite “I’m a perfectionist” and “I’m a workaholic” response options, you signal thoughtfulness and self-awareness with your answer. It shows…
