Do Not Disterb February 5, 2013On the first day of soccer practice, one of my little charges stubbornly sat on the sideline and wrote across her white T-shirt, with my sharpie: Do Not Disterb She’s seven years old, and I don’t mess with seven-year-olds who write Do Not Disterb across their fronts. I let her be. I’ve been thinking about the parallels between being an effective little-girls’ soccer coach, and an effective personal/professional coach for adults. I know there’s some really profound connection, but all…
Riding the STP January 29, 2013I signed up for the Seattle to Portland Bicycle Classic. And I don’t have a bicycle. Which poses a problem. This idea started last summer when I helped a friend with her fear of driving. I thought about what I’m afraid of. What fears keep me small? With some embarrassment, I’ll admit I’m afraid of balloons. Their potential for a loud, startling bang makes me cringe. Makes me crazy. This fear keeps me small because bike inner tubes are, well, balloons.…
The Wisdom of Dead Dogs January 24, 2013A favorite coaching client of mine is facing a messy divorce. “What do you want this experience to be like?” I asked him. “What do you want your memories of this divorce to be like?” As I asked the question, I suddenly thought of my beloved dog Hector Protector. I interrupted myself to tell my client about Hector. Hector was a Bernese Mountain Dog who died 10 years ago of the cancer that kills most Bernese Mountain Dogs. When he…
Coach Sauron January 16, 2013I was describing my coaching practice at a party recently. “So you help your clients achieve work/life balance?” one of the guests asked. I was surprised at my vehemence. “No! Work/life balance is a myth, a set up for failure,” I said. “I help my clients focus on what’s important to them.” In a complex life of competing priorities, there is no such thing as balance, I explained. You are always going to feel like you’re letting something or someone…
South African Travelogue January 5, 2013When friends ask me about our trip to South Africa, I think about being hunted by wild dogs. I think about throwing a frisbee with a girl in Swaziland. And walking in the bush with cheetah cubs. This is the story of our family’s travels in Africa, a place we’d never really imagined going. It’s a story that started by accident several years ago at a school fundraising auction where I was mildly intoxicated and overly competitive and bid, to…
The Fun Balance October 8, 2012Running through a murky swamp somewhere north of Whidbey Island at 2 a.m. wasn’t my idea of fun. I had been IMing with my partner all day about this crazy 200-mile, 28-hour relay race, complaining about my lack of sleep and my tired feet and the stinky men in the back of the van. By the time I got home, I couldn’t wait to do the Ragnar again next summer. What’s up with that? A friend described it as Type…
Highway Fear September 25, 2012I have a friend who is afraid of highways. She loses sleep if she knows she is going to have to drive on one. Loses weight. Organizes her life to avoid them. I respect deep-seated fears and don’t tend to mess with them. I did wonder, though, how this fear was making her life smaller. So we came up with a plan. Our kids were taking swimming lessons together this summer at a pool most easily accessed by highway. We…
Mess Up Mommy September 24, 2012I’m coaching my 6-year-old daughter’s soccer team. This is despite having played only a year of JV soccer in middle school and losing every game. My parents came to a game and cheered the wrong girl. Anyway, the league needed coaches. How hard could it be? Taking my new soccer coaching responsibilities very seriously, I crafted a careful email to my players’ parents highlighting the date and time of our first practice in yellow: Tuesday, September 4 at 5:30. Without…
My Own Project September 21, 2012A friend told me about visiting a favorite aunt. This aunt had been unhappily overweight most of her adult life and now, at 70, is trim and healthy. My friend exclaimed over the change and the aunt said: “You know, I finally made myself my own project.” I had to sit back and roll those words over in my heart. Helping my clients be their own projects is what I do as a professional coach. Most of us spend our…
Why Don’t I Always Do This? July 12, 2012I’m doing something I haven’t done in years: I’m on a diet. Or to put it in more politically correct terms: I’m trying to be leaner. No gluten or sweets until the end of the summer. I’m curious about how I made the decision to go leaner. I mean, I love bread and cake and chocolate and pasta (not necessarily all together but you never know). So what clicked in my brain to motivate me? I remember lying in bed…
