A friend teased me, saying dismissively, “You think going for a run is the answer to everything.” It’s bugged me ever since, because, well, it’s true. Yesterday I woke up blue. Maybe it was the weather, maybe I was fighting a bug, but I woke up despondent. I had a headache. I wanted to curl up on the couch and watch TV and eat cake. The last thing I wanted to do was go for a run. So I did. …
Riding the STP
I signed up for the Seattle to Portland Bicycle Classic. And I don’t have a bicycle. Which poses a problem. This idea started last summer when I helped a friend with her fear of driving. I thought about what I’m afraid of. What fears keep me small? With some embarrassment, I’ll admit I’m afraid of balloons. Their potential for a loud, startling bang makes me cringe. Makes me crazy. This fear keeps me small because bike inner tubes are, well, balloons. …
The Wisdom of Dead Dogs
A favorite coaching client of mine is facing a messy divorce. “What do you want this experience to be like?” I asked him. “What do you want your memories of this divorce to be like?” As I asked the question, I suddenly thought of my beloved dog Hector Protector. I interrupted myself to tell my client about Hector. Hector was a Bernese Mountain Dog who died 10 years ago of the cancer that kills most Bernese Mountain Dogs. When he …
Coach Sauron
I was describing my coaching practice at a party recently. “So you help your clients achieve work/life balance?” one of the guests asked. I was surprised at my vehemence. “No! Work/life balance is a myth, a set up for failure,” I said. “I help my clients focus on what’s important to them.” In a complex life of competing priorities, there is no such thing as balance, I explained. You are always going to feel like you’re letting something or someone …
The Fun Balance
Running through a murky swamp somewhere north of Whidbey Island at 2 a.m. wasn’t my idea of fun. I had been IMing with my partner all day about this crazy 200-mile, 28-hour relay race, complaining about my lack of sleep and my tired feet and the stinky men in the back of the van. By the time I got home, I couldn’t wait to do the Ragnar again next summer. What’s up with that? A friend described it as Type …
My Own Project
A friend told me about visiting a favorite aunt. This aunt had been unhappily overweight most of her adult life and now, at 70, is trim and healthy. My friend exclaimed over the change and the aunt said: “You know, I finally made myself my own project.” I had to sit back and roll those words over in my heart. Helping my clients be their own projects is what I do as a professional coach. Most of us spend our …
Why Don’t I Always Do This?
I’m doing something I haven’t done in years: I’m on a diet. Or to put it in more politically correct terms: I’m trying to be leaner. No gluten or sweets until the end of the summer. I’m curious about how I made the decision to go leaner. I mean, I love bread and cake and chocolate and pasta (not necessarily all together but you never know). So what clicked in my brain to motivate me? I remember lying in bed …
Frosting
Caution: this is a story about female sexuality so please stop reading if you are offended by such things and are likely to flame me. It’s my birthday today and I don’t want to be flamed. At a lovely wedding recently, after several glasses of Indiana wine, the topic turned to sex. I told the story of a friend (protecting your anonymity, don’t worry, my dear) who complained to me about her lack of libido. She has small children, has …
Loaded Question
I read a blog post recently about asking whether there are weapons in the home before sending your child over on a playdate. (For those of you not in Seattle, two children were killed and one injured by guns in the hands of other children in the last couple of weeks.) I asked my 8-year-old son what he would do if he saw his friend’s parents’ gun on a playdate. “I’d think it was cool,” the idiot boy said. “But what …
Heavy Weights
As a personal coach, I spend a lot of time helping clients clean up and throw away the crap in their lives that takes up a lot of emotional space: stuff ranging from dirty man caves to “taker” friends to unrewarding jobs. As a coach, I’m really interested in what clearing that detritus makes room for. Last week, I got a taste of it. Early in the morning, I answered the daily joy question with: “One small thing I can …