Manipulation and flattery
Managing upward is about manipulation and flattery. But not in a bad way. “Why does my manager ask my opinion if he’s just going to disregard it?” a coaching client wondered out loud. “I’m tempted to just keep my ideas to myself from now on. Why should I bother speaking up if he’s not going […]
Yes, feedback hurts
I had to take a dose of my own medicine recently. I tell my coaching clients that critical feedback is a gift, an opportunity for growth, insight into a potential blindspot. Yeah, whatever. It also feels like a kick to the stomach. I recently gave a talk on confidence and “impostor syndrome,” topics that come up frequently […]
Don’t be that guy
I was heating up my lunch when my husband stormed into the kitchen. “Don’t be that guy!” he exclaimed. I looked at the leftover salmon steaming in the microwave. “You’re right, I’m that guy,” I laughed. “Sorry!” We were referring to “that guy” who doesn’t realize that he is filling the shared office space with fishy […]
The care and feeding of confidence
I received an email from a father asking me if I would be willing to meet with his two daughters, ages 14 and 21. He was hoping I could share “general life lessons” on focus, hard work, grit or any other points to become successful in life, like self-confidence and coming out of the comfort […]
Titles matter!
“They offered me an analyst title,” a coaching client told me. “Do you think titles matter?” She looked at me funny as I started spluttering. “The hiring manager told me not to focus on the title,” she said. “The role itself is great — a dream job. But I feel disappointed about the title. Insulted, […]
Small gestures
“What’s the peppermint mocha?” I asked a beloved client. He looked at me blankly. He was describing workplace conflict and hostility with another team. “They just sit there and obstruct,” he told me. “We need to get the work done, and they throw up endless roadblocks.” I gave him the peppermint-mocha backstory. “I was at […]
Dog farts
“Ice cream makes dogs fart,” I told the little boy offering his ice-cream cone to my dog. Zilly and I were minding our own business, waiting for a friend at the park, when we were suddenly swarmed by ice-cream-eating 5-year-olds. At the word “fart,” the little kids erupted in a group belly laugh. Nothing funnier than […]
Not personable?
“I’m getting feedback that I’m not personable,” a beloved client told me. “I’m really focused on doing the work — and social chitchat seems like a waste of everyone’s time.” I looked at my client: a nice, kind man, a linear thinker, highly technical, high achieving. About five years into his career at a big […]
Thinking time
I looked at the hour blocked on my calendar with relief. “Thinking time,” the calendar event said. I left my phone and laptop in my office, and headed across Pioneer Square to my favorite coffee shop for a quiet, uninterrupted hour of, well, time to think. “When do you take the time to slow down […]
The squeaky wheel
“My daughter needs to ask her soccer coach for more playing time,” my friend said as we watched our girls at soccer practice. “She’ll never do it, though — it’s too scary.” I wish she would do it anyway. It’s good practice for her future career. For example: A coaching client was talking about the […]