I looked at the hour blocked on my calendar with relief. “Thinking time,” the calendar event said. I left my phone and laptop in my office, and headed across Pioneer Square to my favorite coffee shop for a quiet, uninterrupted hour of, well, time to think. “When do you take the time to slow down and just think?” I asked an executive coaching client. She’s brilliant, scattered, running a million miles an hour. She looked at me like I was …
The squeaky wheel
“My daughter needs to ask her soccer coach for more playing time,” my friend said as we watched our girls at soccer practice. “She’ll never do it, though — it’s too scary.” I wish she would do it anyway. It’s good practice for her future career. For example: A coaching client was talking about the corporate equivalent of “playing time”: She didn’t get a promotion she felt she had earned. “I need to talk to my manager and understand what …
Non-slick executive presence
“I don’t have executive presence,” a beloved coaching client told me. “I’m not slick.” This client, with 20 years’ experience in his highly technical field, was preparing for a round of interviews for an internal promotion. If he lands it, he will join his company’s executive ranks. “Tell me about your leadership style,” I suggested. He paused. “I try to lead by example,” he said. “How do you know?” I asked. “Maybe this isn’t a big story, but recently one …
The doll in the window
The little girl was looking in the window of Mighty Mouse Toys, pulling on her mom’s hand, pointing at the beautiful dolls. She was maybe 7 years old. “We can go in there,” her father told her, his tone harsh and mean and loud. “But if you ask for anything, you’ll get spanked.” As I walked to my office across Pioneer Square, I could hear the parents arguing, the child crying. That man may be managing difficult stresses in his life, …
The $20,000 ask
A beloved coaching client was looking to branch out to something new after 20 years in her field. And she wanted a shorter commute. “My commute’s an hour on a good day,” she told me. “Also, I’m going to need help with negotiating the offer,” she said. “I’m really nervous about that.” In due time, she was in final interviews with a couple of organizations in different industries. “Any updates?” I emailed her, checking in. (I worry if I don’t …
Planning ahead
How do you plan for your next role when you love where you are? “I love my job,” a new client told me as she sat down in my office. “I’ve done incredibly well in my career so far.” I waited for the “but.” She described high impact, meaningful, creative work with great colleagues and just enough international travel. We agreed it was a dream job. She sounded and looked happy. I wasn’t sure why she was in my office. …
Stop ruminating!
A beloved coaching client didn’t get the job she had worked so hard for. “I’m a failure,” she emailed me. “I am lost.” I checked in with her a week later and heard the same notes of sorrow and anguish and anger. “I’ll get over it soon, I promise,” she told me. “It’s just so unfair.” I’ve known that feeling. You probably have, too. Years ago, I had a job I loved and a boss I adored. And I can still …
The sweaty sweater
I was putting on makeup in my office, getting ready to go on TV, when I noticed sweat stains on my summer sweater. “Uh oh,” I thought to myself. I had less than an hour before showtime, and a decision to make: I could freak out and scramble to buy a new shirt, or I could decide not to worry about it. I decided not to worry. In that moment, I was leaning heavily on Carol Dweck’s book, “Mindset, The New …
Job interviews are not therapy sessions
I was at a party, half listening to a guy talk about an upcoming interview. “I’m just going to be myself,” he said confidently. “I’m going to show them the good and the bad.” He’s a newly minted lawyer with no work experience. He’s never had an interview for a professional role. I sipped my wine, admired the view, and kept quiet. “There are aspects of my personality that can rub people the wrong way,” he explained. “I want to …
Sleep as a career strategy
“I am so burned out,” my coaching client told me, her head in her hands. “I am so unmotivated. I’m really struggling to juggle my work and my family.” “Tell me about your sleep,” I answered. I recently read “Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams,” by Matthew Walker, Ph.D., and it rocked my world — and my career coaching approach. Walker is a professor of neuroscience and psychology at University of California, Berkeley; the director of the …