The metaphoric raincoat
“You need a raincoat,” I told a coaching client. He looked puzzled, glancing out my office window at the gloriously sunny day. He had just described feeling like he was on an emotional roller coaster at work: a capricious boss on the one hand, and work he is deeply committed to on the other. “You need […]
Quitting gymnastics
My daughter’s friend just quit gymnastics. This 13-year-old girl has been a gymnast most of her life, practicing five days a week, multiple hours a day. It’s what she’s always done. Being a gymnast is her identity. “How did you decide to quit?” I asked her, fascinated by the enormity of her decision. She shrugged. […]
The power of compliments
Compliments are good for you. A genuine, well-placed compliment can boost self-esteem, motivation and fulfillment — whether you’re giving the compliment or receiving it. Sometimes, the most effective compliments of all are the ones you “conduct” instead of give. Compliment conducting is the skill of seeding a compliment behind the scenes, like a midfielder toeing […]
The art of the apology
“I owe you an apology,” I told my coaching client. I’ve been apologizing a lot lately. Not because I’ve screwed up more than usual, but because I read a book that taught me how to apologize better. Dr. Harriet Lerner’s 2017 “Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts“ is one of those handy […]
Don’t interrupt!
A coaching client was hesitant to talk with me about something. It was the last topic on her agenda for our coaching session. We nearly didn’t get to it. “My new direct report seems like he’s primed to fight with me,” she finally told me. “He’s pretty aggressive with his opinions, pedantic even. He interrupts […]
New job, new boundaries
A career coaching client was facing a dilemma: Her manager had a last-minute meeting request, but she needed to get her child to a medical appointment. What’s worse was that my client, a senior manager at a small tech startup, had just started this job. We talked about how these early weeks are a great […]
Problem solving rather than reacting
One of my coaching client’s CEO never showed for a meeting. As the afternoon ticked away, my client watched the clock and seethed. He felt disrespected and unimportant. He was too busy being angry and anxious to get much else done that day. “I tend to do that,” he told me. “I focus on the […]
Impostor Syndrome strikes again
A CNN reporter emailed asking whether she could interview me about impostor syndrome. My first thought was: “I don’t know anything about impostor syndrome!” Which is, of course, a great example of impostor syndrome — that panicky feeling that you’re a fraud, that you’re faking it (and that CNN is going to find out!). In my […]
How to say no
As I wrote last week, I’ve started fostering puppies. A potential new owner of one of my foster puppies recently asked me whether I could keep the puppy for an additional two weeks while she went to a wedding. “No! I’m not your dog sitter!” I yelled. On the inside. Saying no can be tough for […]
Executive presence
My career coaching client wanted to talk about executive presence. “My boss told me that I giggled in a meeting with the executive team,” she said. “He told me I needed to work on my executive presence.” I almost giggled at the thought. This woman sitting in my office is a senior director at a […]